“I would rather live jobless, on a beach somewhere, off the money from a large inheritance.”

“That's me. Look kids, your daddy left that face hole.”

“It's not about the horniness, it's about the loneliness.”

“Hey Pam, will you wait for me one second while I tie my shoe? ”

“You have no idea the physical toll, that three vasectomies have on a person”

“Hey hey, you you. I don't like your boyfriend. 'Cause 'cause, 'cause 'cause 'cause he sucks at ping pong!”

“Blacks do crack... Not crack the drug!”

“ I'm losing control of my bladder!”

“You are so much more creative than all of the other dry, boring morons that you work with.”

“Meryl Streep is the bad guy. Never saw it coming.”

“America, Irrigation and Nighttime.”

“We think it's a straightforward kidnapping.”

“Dwight mercy-killed Angela's cat. It's very complicated. It's caused a lot of unpleasantness between Dwight and Angela, who are both already prone to unpleasantness.”

“I would like to see a website deliver baskets of food to people.”

“Look how big he is. Look at you. You are so mature and old and little man now. You're like our little man.”