“Just about to watch this. Anyone seen it? Any good?”

“Watching this gripping film and Mrs T has fallen asleep #whydowomendothat?”

“This is a very good film and it's on now on Channel 4. Turn over. #Xfactor”

“Little Willie needs to put his shirt on #IAC”

“Oh good. Was hoping to catch this!”

“I really, genuinely, truthfully mean this: these lot are utter dross.”

“This looks quite good.”

“That was good but not brilliant. A bit over-Boyled.”

“I agree with @dunkndisorderly, this version - the original - is so much better than last year's remake.”

“Ugh. Made the mistake of putting this on just after eating.”

“Wow. That was brilliant.”

“Utter nonsense. They can walk on pavements (council) but aren't allowed to use parks (council). Bunkum.”

“Can't wait for that odious Mosely to get a shoeing #BBCQT ”

“Load of old shit.”

“Thinking of getting a vajazzle.”